On this Mother's Day

My mom, Joan Marie. Her first last name was McIntyre, then McCarthy and finally McLeod -- so her monograms never changed.

A few days ago I encouraged a young friend to think about honouring her mom on Mother's Day with a list of 10 things she most appreciated and admired about her. Of its own volition, that notion took root in my thoughts so tonight I write about my mom.

Its quite fair to say that this list is the result of maturity; many of the items mentioned I most certainly did not appreciate at the time I was learning them! But, boy, have I thanked my lucky stars for these gifts.

1. Whenever we would see someone disabled, sick or downtrodden my mother would say (oddly, as she was not being a religious person) "There but for the grace of God go I." My sisters and I learned to appreciate our health and wholeness. We understood that those in dire need had not done something bad to deserve their fate.

2. In spite of many stresses, being a single mother for many years, living with her parents with 3 daughters in tow, Mom had a wonderful sense of humour. Many family dinners ended with one of us ready to wet our pants from laughing so hard. OK, you're right; with one of us wetting our pants...

3. Mom left a man she was wildly in love with, our father, because in his young days he could not be responsible for his growing family. Never did she bash him or make us feel less of him even though she was burdened with being our sole guardian. She made her choices based on what was best for my sisters and me. I don't ever remember hearing her complain about moving to a different state and moving back in with my grandparents (for 8 years!) in order to cope financially. Eventually she remarried a wonderful, talented and Archie Bunker kind of a fellow, my step-father, Al. Al adored her until her death many years ago. (I went on to have a wonderful relationship with my father and two more sisters from his second marriage.)

4. We had to all clean house on Saturday mornings. The whole house. Every Saturday. We could get up and watch a couple of cartoons, but then no other playing or plans until my sisters and I helped my mom clean the house completely. If you did a half hearted job you were sent back to finish until your part of the work sparkled. No exceptions. No excuses. No whining.

5.  Manners were taught with passion. If you reached across the table at our house Mom was faster than a gun slinger with her fork wrapping your knuckles....so you didn't tend to repeat those ill thought moves! We learned to be polite, helpful, aware; it would be inconceivable that an elder would walk into a room without us jumping up to offer our chair. If company came unannounced we knew to not take the doughnut we really wanted so there would be enough. Emily Post was alive and well in our home education and I am forever thankful -- to have learned manners -- but more than that, to have learned a sense of the fitness of things, to be aware of other people.

6.  When family friends would pass along a box of hand me down clothes my mom would treat it as if we'd just had an unlimited budget on Rodeo Drive! She taught us to be so thankful for the kindness of others and how to always look clean and fine on a shoe string. Each year for the 1st day of school my sisters and I would get a new outfit; and my grandmother was a superb seamstress so we decked out for Easter and special occasions -- but often we relied on those boxes of used clothing and felt it was just great.

7.  We learned to love being outside and had amazing freedom to be on the beach and in the ocean. But, if you ever yelled for help when you didn't really need it....well, then you were going to need it when my mom caught up to you. We made our bikes into horses and played hide and seek with the neighbourhood kids. Our mom didn't have a hard time getting us out, she had a hard time getting us back in.

8. When we moved into our own home from our grandparents we were able to have dogs and rabbits and hamsters and eventually horses. What a gift to develop friendships with these creatures (and especially so as my mom wasn't really a pet person herself).

9. Posture. Posture. Posture. I could not tell you the number of times she yelled at my sisters and me, "Stand up straight!!!" And, it stuck!

10.  We sure learned respect, no doubt much of it fear based, but nevertheless, the long arm of authority extended beyond our mom. Trust me, it was not a good day for you if an adult reported back to our mom that you'd been rude or disobedient! Oh boy. She had wooden paddles stashed everywhere. But, learning to hold your tongue and mind how you behaved created a good foundation for enjoying life and being easy to employ. My mom thought people who swore demonstrated a lack of intelligence and vocabulary. I never heard her say anything stronger than "crap!" and if you heard her say that you knew she was hopping mad and you'd better either get lost or do what you'd left undone.

11. This one's for extra credit. My mom taught us about magic - that anything is possible. When we went to bed on Christmas Eve there was nothing but a bare Christmas tree in the corner of my grandparents' living room. When we awoke and came down the staircase, Santa had not only visited, but trimmed the tree, left presents and twinkling lights everywhere and the smell of breakfast filled the air. Anything was possible and magic really happened. I can only imagine what time my grandparents and Mom got to bed those Christmas Eve's.

There are more things I could say, and I am so very glad that my mom knew how much I appreciated her and how much I admired her parenting while she was alive. As the years pass my appreciation and admiration of Mom grows. I did not fully appreciate her beauty in her lifetime. But, no doubt, Mom wisely thought, "One day she'll thank me."

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.